Regrets, the path to your present perfect self
In his study of The Experience of Regret: What, When, Why, Thomas Gilovich has gave us a bit of a regretful conclusion: regrets don’t fade over time.
Even though to most psychologist, the Zeigarnik Effect is rather familiar, to most of us it is a strange concept. This effect states that we regret most what we did not do during this lifetime, rather than a bad decision we took.
This is mostly because, when we do not do something, we do not realise our ambitions, intentions or goals, which means we have failed to fulfill our desires.
So, let’s take a moment and ask a series of questions meant to understand what is that that you regret.
On a piece of paper, write the following questions and take a minute or two to find the adequate answers for yourself.
Let’s start…
- Do you need to apologise to someone?
- Do you need to have closure?
- Do you have something to tell someone?
- Have you always been waiting to learn how to do ……?
- Have you always wanted to try ….?
- Have you always wanted to know more about ….?
- Do you need to identify a silver – lining?
- Learn from an experience?
- Find something positive in something negative?
Now look at the piece of paper, and read your answers out loud to yourself.
What can you see in your replies?
The first set of three questions pertain to certain behaviours we would want to come to terms with.
Most of the times those imply coming to terms with people we might have hurt or that have hurt us. Keeping regrets in this sphere might tamer with our ability to move forward in our present relationships. Don’t be afraid to make amends with your wrong – doer or apologize to someone you did wrong to.
The second set of three questions are revealing your regrets pertaining to experiences. The best way to tackle those is to create a bucket list and slowly start ticking off things you ought to do for yourself.
Finally, the last three questions pertain to the realms of psychology repair work. Those are indeed the hardest of all of the regrets, as with any issues, it doesn’t naturally disappear but rather accentuates with the passing of time.
If you are struggling with the last set, fret no more. As a personal coach of yours, I can guide you through all those emotional reactions that might be hard to bear in the present time.
We can split the sessions in small chunks of time to address all negative emotions and identify the root cause of your reactions or behaviours. When starting this process, consistency is key, as a life of bad habits might or bad mental frameworks won’t vanish into thin air.
As a personal coach, I can help you define your ideal present perfect self and work with you towards a better scale shift in favour for you to let go of those unfortunate “what ifs” that might endanger your long-term well-being.